


Let Me Go

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Based On A Panic! At The Disco Song, Former Dark Side Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gen, Songfic, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Unsympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, other sides are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-19 04:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Months after Virgil left the Dark Sides, Deceit decides to visit his old room. But with each minute spent there, more and more memories start coming back…(based on This Is Gospel by P!ATD)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 61





	Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a while back and thought i might post it here  
> enjoy <3

Deceit sighed and opened the door.   
He hated to do this. However, after literal months, it was finally time.   
The curtains on the windows were closed. Deceit went to the window and let in some light and fresh air.   
The place was a mess. Some posters were hanging from the walls. The furniture was buried in a thick layer of dust and spiderwebs. A broken lamp on the floor. A bed covered by torn books. An old collection of vinyls was lying on the floor - the most of them shattered.   
For a minute or two, Deceit considered leaving the room again.   
But it needed to be cleaned. So he stayed.   
Now: where to begin? There was a lot of work waiting to be done.   
Deceit decided he would start with the broken vinyls. Yeah, that would be the best. He didn't want to accidentally step on them while doing something else.   
He started collecting them into the cardboard box they had used to be in. Such a waste.  _ Vessel _ by Twenty One Pilots was broken into three shards, each as sharp as a knife. My Chemical Romance's  _ The Black Parade _ was practically dust. Deceit found only one piece of it that was as large as his hand. To Deceit's surprise,  _ Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die!  _ by Panic! at the Disco was in excellent condition. After looking closer he concluded there was not even a scratch.   
How did the vinyl manage to survive? That would remain a mystery.   
Deceit put it aside and continued collecting the pieces.   
But the more time he spent in the room, the more memories were coming back. And not exactly the nice ones.   
Deceit knew there should be a gramophone somewhere in the room. He remembered hearing the songs from the vinyls coming to life and echoing through the room and mind during long nights.   
That had been before the owner of the vinyls got a pair of headphones from someone else.   
And he found it - it was on a chest of drawers. Deceit checked it. It was covered by dust and unused in a good while but it should work. He turned it on and put the Panic! at the Disco vinyl on it.   
Music would distract him from the memories… right?   
Deceit returned to the rest of the broken vinyls as Brendon Urie's voice started to sing the first track.

“This is gospel for the fallen ones   
Locked away in permanent slumber   
Assembling their philosophies   
From pieces of broken memories…”

A sad smile appeared on Deceit's face.    
The rests of the vinyls were like broken memories to him…

“Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart   
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart   
The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds   
But they haven't seen the best of us yet…”

It was all coming back.

_ “Where are you going?” _ _   
_ _ “Away. From you.” _ _   
_ _ “...to the Light Sides?” _ _   
_ _ No answer. _ _   
_ _ Deceit's heart was beating faster and faster as he was watching Virgil pack his old vinyls. He couldn't be serious… _ _   
_ _ “Virgil, there are no “Light” or “Dark” Sides… We´re all just Sides. We are all helping Thomas. They just call us that because… because… ” Deceit was struggling to find the right words. “They just haven't seen the best of us yet.” _ _   
_ _ Virgil turned to him, his face ice-cold. “Why should I even listen to what you say? You're a liar anyway.” _ _   
_ _ No. No, no, no. _

No.   
The music certainly wasn't helping.   
Deceit was trying his best to just focus on the mess he had to clean up but he just… couldn't.   
The song went on:

“If you love me let me go   
If you love me let me go   
'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars   
The fear of falling apart   
And truth be told, I never was yours   
The fear, the fear of falling apart…”

_ “I do care about you…” Deceit never thought he would say these words out loud. _ _   
_ _ But Virgil just laughed. “Oh yeah? If you loved me, you would let me go.” _ _   
_ _ “I can't.” _ _   
_ _ “Look.” Virgil put the cardboard box down. “I don't want to be here anymore. I just… I'm tired of all of this. Remus keeps stressing me out.  _ You  _ keep stressing me out. I feel like I'm falling apart and I… I just can't live like this anymore. And to be honest, I've never really felt like one of you anyway…” _

Deceit didn't realise he was just sitting on the dusty floor with shards in his hands, staring at the wall. And even if it seemed as if Deceit was frozen in time, the song kept on going and so did the memory:

“Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart   
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart   
This is gospel for the vagabonds,   
Ne'er-do-wells, insufferable bastards   
Confessing their apostasies   
Led away by imperfect impostors   
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart   
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart…”

_ “We can change,” Deceit suggested with the last bits of hope in his voice. _ _   
_ _ “I've heard that before, you dirty liar.” _ _   
_ _ “Virgil-” _ _   
_ _ “Enough.” _ _   
_ _ Deceit was sure his heart skipped a few beats. _ _   
_ _ “Virgil, I know we're not perfect but they surely aren't either…” _ _   
_ _ Virgil shook his head. “Just shut up already. Please.” _

“Don't try to sleep through the end of the world   
Bury me alive   
'Cause I won't give up without a fight…”

_ “Virgil, we can sort this out… I- I will talk to Remus. Anything. Just… don't leave…” _ _   
_ _ Virgil didn't even look at him. _ _   
_ _ “No.” _ _   
_ _ That word, that one word. _ _   
_ _ Deceit felt like he was being buried alive. He refused to give up, though. He didn't want to… _ _   
_ _ “Virgil, please…” Deceit came closer to him. Maybe… maybe a hug would help. Just that. Just a hug. _ _   
_ _ Deceit touched his shoulder. _

“If you love me let me go   
If you love me let me go   
'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars   
The fear of falling apart   
And truth be told, I never was yours   
The fear, the fear of falling apart…”

_ “DON'T TOUCH ME!” Virgil turned around swiftly and pushed Deceits hand off of him. _ _   
_ _ Deceit took a few steps back. _ _   
_ _ “I'VE TOLD YOU TO LET ME GO! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING LISTEN FOR ONCE?!” _ _   
_ _ Virgil pushed the box of vinyls off the table and let them shatter on the ground. _ _   
_ _ “I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? LET. ME. GO!” _ _   
_ _ Deceit backed to the door as more and more items were hitting the ground. _

“Oh, the fear of falling apart   
Oh, the fear, the fear of falling apart…”

_ A lamp, previously located on the bedside table, was now lying broken on the floor. _

“Oh, this is the beat of my heart   
The fear of falling apart…”

_ “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” _

“Oh, this is the beat of my heart   
The fear of falling apart…”

_ A stack of books from the bookshelf was nothing more than a pile of torn paper on the bed. _

“Oh, this is the beat of my heart   
The fear of falling apart…”

_ Deceit felt as if his whole world was falling apart with every broken item. _

“Oh, this is the beat of my heart   
The fear of falling apart.”

Deceit didn't know he was crying until the tears soaked through his gloves.   
He stood up. No more music. No more memories.   
Virgil was in the past. This entire room was in the past.   
He stopped the gramophone and picked up the vinyl.   
Never again, Deceit told himself and threw the vinyl across the room. It hit the wall on the other side and shattered into tiny pieces, which were now lying on the floor.   
But Deceit didn't see that. He had turned his back to that wall before it happened.   
Deceit left the room.   
He had no intentions of ever entering it again.


End file.
